Aquele sentimento que é a plenitude da beleza, que completa totalmente a alma. Ápice do deleite.
Além da felicidade, apogeu. Íntimo, único e lírico. Máximo, lépido e épico. Eu quero.

quarta-feira, 14 de fevereiro de 2007

Too much books.

I've been reading books for 89% of my time. Latelly my choice has been about teenagers like me, living all the trouble on an american high school behind the shadows of the joks and cheerleaders. But what kind of book heroine would I be?? The really short girl, in white skin and brown eyes and hair, chubby, TOO CHUBBY. The one with no real friends, that can't even speack english that well. Well, in the books I've been reading all heroines start like that. However, in the end they end up finding they prince charming in the strangest way possible. The thing is that the object of my afection is not the President's son, or the reencarnation of King Arthur and really not a vampire. It is simply this kid in my bio class, not even a jok. He is in the swim team for God's sake. And I'm not even close to my happy ending, he barelly notices that I'm there. Well, no boy does actually. I think that extreme chubby girls don't get a happy ending. In the books, always something laime happen and the girl and the boy meet, like when she's running on the park (I don't run), or in the drawing class, or the bio class! That's it! We did met in the bio class. However, he did not notice me. At all. And then, something really cool happens, and they realize how much they love each other, like she saves the President's life or something. And of course, some magic thing will happen and the boy (who happens to be the hottest in school) will leave the blond cheerleader and live happily ever after with the not-that-attractive brunnette heroine. Is it that I'm not in love with a jok guy? This really doesn't matter, that vampire guy wasn't in the football team anyway. High School is hard, especially if you -like me- are not in the In Crowd. Not that I care, of course. But with all those books, man, I wish I had my prince charming. NO! He is not even that charming. He is just this kid with a messy light brown hair who wears pijama pants almost everyday to school. He is funny, and so, so cute. And it is not that I've never tried to talk to him, believe me, I sure did. The problem is that I don't know what to say when it comes about boys! Yeah, I know. I have no change. But maybe, maybe if tomorrow during my bio class I go up to him and aks im out then he will totally say yes! Not. Who am I kidding here? There is no chance. I'm not in the book heroine list. I told you. chubby girls don't get the guy. You know what? I think I will probably go looking for a more-good-looking-dangerous-like-the-book-characters guy. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow I will ran into this kid who is a werewolf, or Harry Potter, or the football capitan, or something. Than he saves my life against this giant snow monster who wants to eat me due to this ancient prophecy who says that I'm the great-grat-great-great-grand doughter of this Queen that he was in love long time ago and dumped him for the, you know, hot guy. And then. I will find my happy ending. (Probably running for the monster I will lose all those pounds and stop being the chubby one.)

quinta-feira, 8 de fevereiro de 2007

The day i left home

It has been almost a year since I had become an exchange student. However, it was this morning that I was going abroad. I woke up early and walked slowly to the bathroom. While I was getting ready I had a need to make the most of my last moments at home. At the kitchen my family was waiting for me: my grandmother, my grandfather, my bother, my sister, my little niece and my mother. All of them sitting around the big table in the center of the room. I grabbed a piece of bread and a glass of orange juice; I did not feel hungry, though. My brother was trying to make small talk when my mother suggested that we were ready to go.

My grandmother and my grandfather gave me a big hug, and I fought the tears. My brother and my sister carried my two black suit cases into the elevator, my mother hold my hand when we closed the door behind me. On our way to the airport the sound of the radio replaced the need of conversation. The darkness was fading away with the outcome of the daylight. Everything looked the same, the houses, the trees, yet I kept my self aware that I would not see this for a long time. In my mind twelve months seemed an eternity.

After arriving on the airport we went directly to the check-in. Therefore, without big bags, only with my hand bag we were able to have a better locomotion. My brother and I walked through the stores while my sister and my mother set down in a coffee place. I still had a couple of hours. Minutes later we joined my sister and my mother to a cup of coffee. My phone rang; I answer it without looking to see who it was, I already knew. My boyfriend talked about how he would not forget me, and spend the last minutes wishing me all the best. This time I did not fight the tears, they did not come. It was being easier than I thought it would be.

I hang up and gave the phone to my mother. My cell phone was not going to work in the United States anyway. I stared at my hot chocolate thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. I was going to live abroad for a year, what I always wanted. On the other hand I would be away from home. The time was passing quicker now. My sister brought up the subject that no one wanted to talk about. It was time to go. My mother ran to the cashier while we tried to take our time on standing up. The four of us walked slowly to the terminal that my flight was on.

My sister was the first to make a move, with warm hands she gave me a hug and whispered good words in my ear. My brother did the same, although “Take care little sis.” was all he said. My mother held me tight against her chest and seemed like she did not want to let me go. I went to the security with growing anxiety as I left my family behind. From the terminal I took one last look through the glass wall, the tears were coming now. But I fought them and the feeling of expectations, freedom and happiness kept them from coming. So, fearing my new journey and filled with emotions that I could not recognize I got on the plane heading to the United States.

Free thoughts put into words.

When I try to find myself, I end up getting lost. Life is complicated, bad things happen all the time. And you know what? It is amazing! Sometimes I feel really bad, turn my back to the world, everything is wrong. However I started to think about how perfect life is. What if there was no problems at all? No pain? How would you know the feeling of happiness? It would be so boring! It would have no magic, no sense of achievement. We need the hard times to be able to appriciate the good ones. Life is a journey and if we want to complete it, we need difficulties. How wonderful is the feeling of accomplishment, of winning the battle against the bad guy. It makes us stronger, a better person. Eventhough life is not a sea of roses, it is perfect on its simple things. A hug when you really need it, stare at the one you love, watching the sunset after an exausting day, making your friend laugh, see the smile on the face of people you really care about.. The small things make everything worth it. True happiness is above material stuff, above a pretty body, it is above money. It is all about making through the though times, appriciate what you have, and understand the value of the simple things in life. In order to find myself, I need to get lost.